weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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