I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
