She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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