hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
