U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
