Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
As shirtless as possible
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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