i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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