If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
