You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
