I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
