Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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