Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
