So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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