Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Let's get the cat blown out
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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