if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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