There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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