8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
