You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
