so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
