I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
