my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
