She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize