Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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