Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
