please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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