Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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