...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
