i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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