the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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