Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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