Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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