Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
