i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
