I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
