Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
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Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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