Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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