a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
