Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
