Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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