I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
