I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
