you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
