um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
