there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
