Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
