she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
