I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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