I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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