I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
