At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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