i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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