its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
