i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
