I faked an abortion last night.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
