I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
