Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
