would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
