names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
