A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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