So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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