soooo we both peed the bed last night...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
