i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Operation Purity has been aborted
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
