On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
