just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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