Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
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Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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