Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize