do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
