i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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