Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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