I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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