she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
