you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Someone came in the potted fern
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
