Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well I just put wine in my tea
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
