I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
